Family Memories

One of the best ways to build unity and memories with your family is to plan events, activities and traditions to experience together. I remember growing up, some of my fondest memories we're around traditions and activities that we would do. I loved the things my parents "created" when I was growing up, and hold to many of those things with my family today. With the holidays now here, what are some things that you have done or are planning to do as a family to "create memories"? It can be as simple as holiday traditions, to a night out, to a special trip or event. Share your thoughts so others can glean ideas! Would also be great to give ideas around how you incorporate the Lord into your holidays too!

P/Steve

Money and marriage

Divorced couples have revealed that money is one of the main reasons for their breakups. It's not just a lack of money, because many affluent couples have struggles and tension about money. Arguments about money-not sex or household chores-are what couples between the ages of 18 and 40 fight over the most, according to a recent survey. In fact, money is such a troublesome issue that 82 percent of survey respondents say they have hidden shopping bags and various purchases from their spouse. So much for marital oneness and unity, huh? If God owns it all-why is money such an issue of strife?
In a marriage, it's not a matter of who's right, but submitting to one another in love.
After the new year the fusion class will be exploring ways to handle money in marriage. What are some things that you do as a couple to have a healthy perspective on money and make sure it's not a source of strife?
P/Steve

"Love languages"

A recent article I read by Gary Chapman brings some insight into what we have been talking about in fusion about love languages and how to best communicate. Here it is...

"I'm desperate," Mark told me when he entered my office. "My wife told me she doesn't love me, and she wants me out of her life. I don't understand. I've been a good husband. We have a nice house and wonderful children. I love Suzanne: I tell her how beautiful and special she is. How can she throw away 17 years of marriage?"
"Has Suzanne ever complained to you?" I asked. "She says we don't spend enough time together and that we don't talk. But my business is demanding, and when I get home I need down time." I knew their problem: Suzanne's love language (the way she best understands and receives love) was Quality Time, and Mark hadn't spoken that language. His compliments weren't enough; Suzanne needed his time and attention.
Feeling loved is our deepest emotional need. When that need goes unmet, it weakens our love for our spouse. Then the negative behavior patterns we once overlooked begin to annoy us. That's why Suzanne could say, "I don't love you."
After 30 years of marriage counseling, I'm convinced there are only five languages of love. Each person uses all the languages, but really thrives on one. The better you speak your spouse's love language, the stronger your emotional love life will be. For those unfamiliar with love languages, here's a brief course:
Words of Affirmation. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." This language uses words to honor and appreciate your spouse. "You look nice in that outfit." "Thanks for taking out the trash. I really appreciate all the hard work you do."
Gifts. A gift says, She was thinking about me. Look what she got for me. Gifts don't need to be expensive. Haven't we always said, "It's the thought that counts"? With gifts, it isn't what you give, but how often you give that communicates love.
Acts of Service. The Bible tells us to love not only in word but in action (1 John 3:18). Acts of service include: washing the car, walking the dog, changing the baby, or whatever needs doing.
Quality Time. This means giving your spouse undivided attention. Maybe it's a picnic, a weekend away, or just muting the TV. The important thing is the two of you are focused on each other.
Physical Touch. We've long known the emotional power of physical touch. Holding hands; embracing; a back rub; even putting your hand on your mate's leg while you drive.Revealing questions
So how do you discover your spouse's love language? Answer the following:
"How does my spouse most often express love to me?" If they give you words of affirmation, that may be their love language. They're giving you what they wish to receive.
"What does my spouse complain about most often?" Our complaints reveal our deepest desires. Suzanne complained, "We don't have time for each other. We don't talk." Quality Time was her love language.
"What does my spouse request most often?" If your spouse routinely asks, "Would you help me make the bed?" "Would you give the children a bath tonight?" then Acts of Service may be his or her primary love language.

Share your thoughts :)

Pastor Steve

Defining Love

On Sunday we talked about how different people are loved and express love in different ways. The conclusion is clear, everyone has a unique way in which they want to be loved. One of the keys to a successful marriage is finding out how your spouse senses and receives love from you. What have you learned about each other as it relates to how your spouse needs to feel loved?

There are 3 key ingredients to a healthy marriage that expresses a healthy love for each other.

• Passion
• Intimacy
• Commitment

The 3 "legs" of healthy love are critical to exercise if we are to be successful In our marriages.
Passion-the desire for physical affection
Intimacy-the importance of really getting to know your spouse and experience life together
Commitment-it is the "cement" of marriage that says I love because of who you are not how I "feel".

How do you cultivate...passion, intimacy or commitment in your marriage?

What is your favorite date idea?

We had some great ideas for "date nights" this weekend in class. Here is a sample...(comment and add ideas if you have them)...

• Bowling, movie and dinner
• Road Trip
• Apple Picking
• Walk along the beach
• Coffee house
• Have fun with a hide and seek game-hide clues and end with dinner out
• Couples massage
• Make dinner together for just the two of you
• Do something that your spouse enjoys to do and you don't and then next time...switch!
• Canoeing
• Walk around downtown
• U of M football game
• Any restaurant other than McDonald's :)
• Weekend in Traverse City
• Weekend ski trip
• Mini golf
• Parade of homes tour
• Invite other couples over for dinner
• Picnic at the park
• Boating
• Biking/Picnic
• Go out for ice cream
• Go to "paint a pot"
• Go out to breakfast together
• Overnight to Chicago
• Find out a person or group your spouse likes and see them in concert
• Clean Comedy Club
• Drive to see colors
• Go shopping for something fun (his and her stores)

OK...its your turn! Ideas?

Pick one of these or your own and set a date in the next week to get out!

P/Steve

One of the questions I am constantly asked for advice on is this...with as busy as our lives are now with jobs, kids and other responsibilities, how do we make time for each other and for our family? The reality is, we as families are busier than ever, and many times it is all good stuff, but what gets lost many times, is the opportunity to grow in the Lord as a couple and family. I shared in class last week that the average couple spends less than 20 minutes a week in meaningful conversation. No wonder we are at best maintaining and at worst struggling as a couple. What are some things you do to make time for each other and as a family? How do you manage the business of life and still make time to involve the Lord in your marriage and family. Love your thoughts!

Welcome to the new fusion blogspot! Feel free to ask and post any questions or give your thoughts on current postings! Great way to share life together! P/Steve