2009 Marriage Retreat

For those who were able to make the marriage retreat this last weekend, God really met with us in many ways. Doug Swink from Winning at Home in his final message to us talked about the importance of touching every base in our marriage. First base, good communication, second base was intimacy, third base was servanthood and home plate was sacrifice. If we search and focus on those areas. Our marriages will be successful. Perhaps one of the most important things and the number one thing we can do is to pray together. To get over our concern about any awkwardness we might have with that and just do it! Statistics bear out the incredible fact that when couples pray together, the divorce rate goes down exponentially. If you attended the retreat, we'd love to hear testimony to what God spoke to you and your spouse about...share comments!

Pastor Steve

Fireworks!

As a kid I had a love-hate relationship with fireworks—I was awestruck by their incredible beauty and the power with which they explode, but was also fearful of the danger they represent. Whether it was the noise or what the firework did, looming in the back of my head was the real possibility of losing a finger :). Somewhere within its dynamite-packed core, there was potential for destruction.

When it comes to communicating with your spouse, there are certain approaches that have an equally explosive effect. These "Communication Firecrackers" may seem innocent, but they can cause definite sparks … if not an outright blast. A few weeks ago in fusion we talked about communicating in a healthy way...here's four dangerous techniques that can cause communication blow-ups...

Threats-We rarely resolve anything when one or both partners act out of a threatening posture. Genuinely seek to understand each other without threatening your spouse.
Name calling-It degrades that person's character. Those kinds of statements are cruel and never productive. Be careful not to use name calling as you argue.
Blame-many couples, if they could, would just blame each other for their problems. A more effective way to communicate is to use "I feel" statements.
Exaggerations-"You never"... or "You always..." statements are common for exaggerators. Focus on the here and now rather than connecting today's disagreement to past problems.

Communicating well takes work...work at it!
Pastor Steve

List, lists, lists...

I love making lists. Right now, there are about four in various states of completeness littered across my desk and on my computer. It's strangely satisfying to see items listed so neatly on a sheet of paper. Oftentimes, those tidy bullet points help me get my thoughts in order in a way few other things could. I know, its sad, isn't it?

Have you ever made a to do list around your marriage and family? Think about it. We make grocery lists, to do lists, errands lists, etc. but how often do we sit down and make lists to improve or set goals for our family and marriage? Consider making some lists around certain goals: places you want to go as a couple/family; the top 5 things you want to instill in your kids; a list of positive habits you want to begin to incorporate in your marriage/family; and more!

Many of you have seen the movie "The bucket list". Its an interesting prospect. Take time this week to think about the kind of "to do" list(s) you would want to develop with your spouse and or family...and then sit down and put it together! And then, don't forget to work on checking them off!

P/Steve

"Men are computers and women are cell phones"

I read an interesting article comparing men and women. Here is an excerpt. "I don't know how we're going to sort out tonight's schedule," I gushed as my husband, Richie, came through the door. "You're late—and Andrew has a game an hour away. One of us has to get him there by 7:00. Jordan has a game here. Kaley is cheering at Jordan's game, but she also has a game right before his. And it's the same time as Andrew's away game. That's also the time Allie and Daniel are supposed to have practice at …."

I hadn't even gotten to the dinner dilemma part of my list, when I knew by Richie's wide-eyed, zombie stare that he'd shut down somewhere just after "You're late." I've seen the look before. How many other wives have seen their husbands processing information when suddenly their "screen saver" kicks on? My husband is able to process a lot of information. I know—I can dish it out in hefty chunks. There are times, however, when something seems to happen to his internal processor. Everything locks up and I feel as if I need to, well, reboot. It's as if I'm living with a computer!

Funny thing is, Richie tells me he's living with a cell phone. The night he arrived home late, he'd had a long problem-filled day at work. He'd been looking forward to coming home, to his refuge where he could simply veg out and not have to think.

As he opened the front door, his peace bubble exploded into an outline of the evening's agenda. I'd been poised at the door, ready for the attack. Every word about every game and every place the kids had to be came at him nonstop. Richie told me later that my actions were akin to settling into a comfy seat at a movie theater only to have his cell phone blast.

I'm a "cell phone"? I thought. And I realized I can go off unexpectedly and sometimes at the most inopportune moments. I'm also faithful to keep "calling" until I'm answered. Oh no! I thought. I am a cell phone!

Can you relate? What are ways we can bridge this gap in our communication/thought processing styles? What works for you and your spouse?

P/Steve

Happy New Year!

Well 2009 is here. For many they were happy to see 2008 disappear...with all the turmoil, the economy and craziness that occurred, it was a "unique" year for many to say the least. With a new year. always comes new expectations, commitments and hope. I want to challenge you as a family and a couple to give some thought to how things will be different in 2009. What are you prepared to do to improve your family and marriage and most importantly let God be the Lord of your house and marriage? Share some commitments that you and or your family are making this year to grow together as a family and toward God. If you haven't laid some of those things out yet, just give ideas of what we can do to improve our families and marriages...

P/Steve

Give thanks...

It's natural during this time of year to be reflective and remember God's blessings. Of course, its a continual reminder as we celebrate Christmas of the thing we as believers are most thankful for, Jesus. What are you most thankful for during this time of year? Let's take time to "give thanks"...

P/Steve

"Snow Day!"

I was in conversation with a friends daughter a few months back about winter coming. I inquired about their likes and dislikes about winter and was eagerly anticipating an empathetic "yes" to the question "don't you love school snow days?" To my amazement as I asked the question, there was the exact opposite response, an emphatic, "NO!". I was curious and asked "Why not?" Their response, "because when we stay home from school on snow days, my mom makes us do housework!". I laughed. Well its our first snow day of the year, are you prepared? What do you do with your kids on a day when they stay home? Do you get creative and plan or just go with the flow? How do you keep them entertained or themselves entertained?

P/Steve

"God with us"

Immanuel, "God with us". One of the greatest statements made surrounding Jesus' birth. It means that we can experience God right here and now. Through the birth of Jesus we have access and connection to God. Its one of the great benefits of the Christmas story. St. Augustine once said: "What, then, is the God I worship? ... You are the most hidden from us and yet the most present among us, the most beautiful and yet the most strong, ever enduring; and yet we cannot comprehend you." When Mary gave birth, God became very present-but in so many ways He is still hidden from us.

Romans 11:33 "Oh, how great are God's riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways!"
Ever wondered why God wanted to live among and within us when we can’t fully comprehend him? If you have ever been to a foreign country you know the sense of temporary loneliness and frustration if they speak a different language, living among people you can't fully understand. But you endured because you knew eventually you would be understood.

1 Corinthians 13:12 promises a day when we will no longer see through imperfect eyes: "Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything".

The beautiful thing about this, is the next time we see Jesus it will be different-we'll recognize him as the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. To see Jesus the 2nd time will be heavens greatest joy!

What's most important?

As Christians, it doesn't take long at this time of year to hear the phrase..."remember the reason for the season". It's a phrase that seems to be used quite often in Christan circles during the holidays, and whether you think its a "corny" phrase or has all the meaning in the world, one thing is true...the statement is true! Whether we like it or not, its so crucial to remember why we celebrate. As sort of a follow up to last weeks question on holiday traditions, let me ask, what is it that you do as a family or couple to keep Jesus center during this time of year? Do you have any "spiritual traditions" you adhere to, to make sure your family remembers the reason for the season? Share your thoughts...it would be great for others to pick up some new ideas from you!

P/Steve

Family Memories

One of the best ways to build unity and memories with your family is to plan events, activities and traditions to experience together. I remember growing up, some of my fondest memories we're around traditions and activities that we would do. I loved the things my parents "created" when I was growing up, and hold to many of those things with my family today. With the holidays now here, what are some things that you have done or are planning to do as a family to "create memories"? It can be as simple as holiday traditions, to a night out, to a special trip or event. Share your thoughts so others can glean ideas! Would also be great to give ideas around how you incorporate the Lord into your holidays too!

P/Steve